| 10. Pick one
cult and stay with it. Only amateurs move from one cult to another.
9. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your deity's name in the privacy of your own room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful. 8. When a strange artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of occultists could be saved every year if they'd just remember this simple safety tip. 7. Never cast a spell on your mother-in-law. She will strike back at you, with a much more powerful one. 6. Avoid using colored candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons. 5. Never play strip Tarot. If you do, be prepared to lose an arm and a leg. Quite literally. 4. If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that you got your summoning spell backwards. 3. For those situations where a fresh, living sacrifice is just not feasible or even possible, the lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving a previously-frozen chunk of turkey. 2. If you suddenly find yourself in front of a nerdish-looking guy who wears funny robes, weird jewelry and stands inside a pentagram, don't laugh: you have probably turned into a demon. 1. Even expert conjurers should not invoke anything with fangs, claws and tentacles, in any combination. |